Guilty Squid

I have to be honest. The older I get the less I care for the overwhelming oppressing heat. But more than the heat, the dry is depressing.

We need rain so very badly in our area. All of my beautiful plants have died (save two who are hanging in there, but barely) and the garden? Oy, it’s more of a graveyard. It’s crunchy in my yard. CRUNCHY. It’s crazy. I’m pretty sure I saw two squirrels get into a fist fight over Gretchen’s drool the other day. THAT’S how hot and dry it is. And the squirrels get very lethargic in the heat. Their days of skirting along to taunt and tease Gretchen are over. They lazy around with their little squirrel heads on their little squirrel fists and watch her, sort of. Mostly they look as if they hope she’ll wag her tail in their direction in hopes for some fan action.

Meanwhile, I’m busy getting ready for the dictator’s birthday party. She just wants all her friends and cousins there. She’s really looking forward to it, so I hope that it all goes well. I also hope the cake doesn’t melt. I’ll be sure to take pictures.

After this weekend I’ll get started on on the stuff I need to do before embarking on my new adventure. I decided that I just can’t focus on that stuff until after her party. I want to make it a nice day for her, so I’m going to wait before worrying about other me stuff.

I can’t believe my baby girl is five! She’s just not a baby anymore.

New iPhone.

Rocks.

Happy?

I has it.

Hopefully I can post my good news later today.

Check back soon!

I’ve been out of the blogosphere for a bit. Mostly I’ve been busy. Work, mom stuff, general unwillingness to give up my free time to the computer… All are of my absence.

Today, in this moment, I’m listening to the kids playing and counting my blessings. So often, I let myself focus on the things in life that suck. I think it’s human nature to focus on problems instead of all that’s good. We all spend too much time thinking about what we don’t have, what we wish we had, what’s missing. But today, in this moment, it’s so good to count my blessings. My kids are good. No, they are great. And I am so lucky to have them. My heart is full and I’m good.

Sure, there’s a lot that I could be focused on, but today I choose to enjoy the moment.

It’s a pretty great moment.

I can hardly believe that the little baby I brought into the world five years ago is the same confident, amazing, engaging and happy girl I see today. Her passion for life inspires me every day. I joke that no one ever has to guess what she’s feeling because she lets you know!!! However, her passion isn’t exclusive to when she’s upset, it’s every aspect of her little world. When she’s happy, she makes others around her happy. When she smiles, she lights up a room. When she laughs, it’s with her whole being. She’s incredibly grateful for everything she receives, and she never holds back her love from those she cares about. She gives of herself to others in a way that is instinctive. When she tells me that she wants to be a teacher one day, I can fully picture her throwing herself into her career with a passion and a love that will inspire her students. Of course, she could change her mind about her career path, and likely will. What I believe will never change will be her nature to be an advocate for people. I believe that whatever she chooses to do in her life, she will be a caretaker. And she will touch the lives of the people she cares for in ways that will change the world, or at least her little corner of it.

She has taught me to be a better mother. Having a daughter is nothing like what I thought it would be, but everything about it is wonderful. From the smile I get, to the tears that she sheds, she completes my world - even though I never knew anything was missing.

I am often in awe of her. Her self-confidence, her love of the world, her pride in her own accomplishments - all things we could all do to put more of our own selves into. She reminds me that life is, as long as you keep your priorities in order, very very good. She reminds me that it isn’t the dance that matters, it’s the people you dance with that bring you the greatest love and joy. She reminds me that I don’t know all the answers, but that there is joy in finding them. She reminds me that as long as we have each other, we are so very rich.

She is good at so many things - singing, dancing, drawing, playing games, telling stories, cleaning, caring for the dogs - I could list them all, but what she is the very best at doing - the very best at in the whole world - is bringing joy to all who know her.

She is the greatest gift I’ve ever known. And today, she is five years old.

Happy Birthday Princess. I love you so very much.

Long time no post. What’s up with me?
Well, let’s see. My brother got married. I wasn’t there, but the Boy was there with his dad. He took video and pictures for me and some of the pictures were REALLY good. They warm this photog’s heart. A shot my Boy took of my brother and his bride.

Of course, that’s not really what’s up with ME. That was more or less up with someone else. I have been trying to take on something to change my life. More on that in a protected post. For now, I will say that I’m ready for a big change. I am ready to move on and forward and want to do something drastic to make it happen. Keep your fingers crossed for me that it all works out.

Otherwise, we’ve stayed busy. Kids, dogs, garden, lather, rinse, repeat.

Clearly, my life isn’t all that interesting lately.

I’m a texter - less now since the beginning of my love affair with Twitter, but I do text.

Lately, however, I’m finding I have little tolerance or patience for a lot of what passes as acceptable behavior via text. Eh, maybe it’s just me - probably is, but I have my own set of rules for texting. These are the standards that I hold myself to, and I sometimes wish that others would hold themselves to the same standard. I know it won’t happen, so I’m hoping that by blogging it will sufficiently vent my aggravation and I’ll feel better.

Multiple abbreviations - I can swallow the CYAs, or TTFN, or even a random BFF, but when it takes me longer to decipher the abbreviations than it would to text the full word, I’m likely to delete the message or ignore it.

Texting a complete conversation - Seriously - knock it off. Why text an entire fifteen minute conversation rather than using the freaking phone? What? You have like seven minutes on your plan? It’s equally annoying if you are on the same network as I am - because that means you have free mobile to mobile. I honestly cannot tolerate texting entire conversations. My attention span just isn’t that long, and I DO have other things to do.

Texting to ask me if I’m there - If I don’t answer you right away there is likely a reason. Occasionally, the reason may only be that I don’t feel like it. But follow up texts - texts asking me if I got your text or asking me if I’m around, you know what? Just irritate my nerves. I delete on principle then. I may or may not answer you for DAYS. Just because. (On the flip side, don’t call my phones one right after the other multiple times in a row. Because if I don’t answer the phone I WILL get back to you at some point. Unless you keep calling me relentlessly. Then I turn the ringer off and ignore you altogether.)

Texting to ask me where I am when you know I’m driving. Um, Hello??? You know I’m driving. I’m busy. You’ll see me when you see me. You’ll know I’m there when I drive up. Do NOT text to ask me where I am.

Texting questions that require details. Texting is supposed to be short. If you need to know how to bake a three tiered chocolate cake with cherry mocha buttercream frosting, it is better to email or call. Texting? Not so much.

Don’t forward joke texts to me. I am not in high school, I don’t think they are funny and I do not care to have what are likely inappropriate messages sent to the same phone my kids play games on in the car. So, yeah, you know what? Don’t do it.

Don’t send texts that contain messages that are more appropriate spoken or written. Condolences, apologies, birthday party invitations - surely we haven’t devolved to a point where people can’t understand what is better spoken or written. In that sense I feel like I’m an afterthought, or the other party is just too lazy to make the effort. Either way, it smacks of insincerity to me, and I likely won’t respond at all.

Don’t use text as a way to avoid speaking to me entirely. Honestly, you are not obligated to maintain a relationship with me if you choose not to do so. So, don’t fake it and think that you’ve “done your part” by sending a text. Yeah, it’s really NOT the same. I’m not interested. I can tell the difference. And again? You won’t get responses from me.

Okay. I feel better. I’m better now.

Thanks.

Do you want to know what I’ve been doing this weekend? Getting rid of stuff. Lots of STUFF.

At one point I found myself wondering where all this crap comes from. I am not, so not, a crap collector. I wouldn’t say I’m a total minimalist, but I just don’t see the point of owning a lot of stuff. Seriously, having a lot of stuff takes up a lot of room, and having a lot of stuff leads to a cluttered look. And I do not care for a cluttered look.

However, after packing up a bunch of crap this morning to toss and/or give away, it struck me that the majority of this crap didn’t come from me.

A few examples? Well, there is an entire collection of books that someone gave my son. These books aren’t anywhere close to his taste, and they’ve done nothing but take up space. I’ve even found a box in his closet from this set of books that was gifted to him and apparently, after unwrapping them, he never actually took them out of the box. It’s sad on two levels. It’s sad that someone spent all that money on books that they apparently enjoyed themselves only to go completely unused (Hell, the binding hasn’t ever been cracked on them). It’s also sad that someone knows so little about the Boy that they wouldn’t realize that this was completely wasted on him. The Boy really likes James Patterson, Rick Riordan, books that have lots of action. These Hardy Boys books don’t even come close. I encourage my kids to read, and books are one thing that I never say no to purchasing, and given that it’s really easy to find reading material for the Boy, I’m surprised that someone wasted time, money and effort on a series that would hold no appeal for him. I offered them to one of my nephews who also loves to read and he looked at me and said, “Uh…. I don’t like those books.” Sigh.

Another example is a BUNCH of stuff that people have given to the dictator. There is a dress up set that is for a kid who is SMALLER than she is, a dog that has some electronic thing in it to make it whimper and whine, a tiger that is suppose to move or something, a ton of stuffed animals, a piggy bank that she thinks is “not pretty at all”, random cheap crap that people give her for no discernible reason, and a ton of “free gift” stuff that people give her and try to act as if they’ve gone out and GOTTEN her something. (News flash, that free thing that came with the DVD you bought? She got it when I actually sprung for the DVD for her.)

All the wasted crap. And honestly? I don’t get it. While it’s lovely that people think enough of my children to want to give them gifts, I often find myself wishing they didn’t. As they get older, it just adds unnecessary clutter to our lives. And the dictator gets her feelings hurt when people give her something that clearly shows they have little interest in her. Which makes me sad for her. It shouldn’t be that way, but it is. As much as I wish it wasn’t, it is, and there is nothing I can do to make it different for her. Or the Boy.

So, I clear out the crap. And I tell myself again that I will no longer bother trying to tell people what they want for birthdays or holidays and just do it myself. And I’ll save the boxes from the things they really wanted to pack up the crap they don’t want/don’t need/already have/won’t use and donate it so that it will go to children who might better appreciate it.

It just sucks that it’s so much extra work.

I realize I sound ungrateful here and I guess I am in a way. It’s just that I get so freaking frustrated (mostly with relatives) who seem to “pass off” junk to my house rather than disburse of it themselves, decide that what they think the kids should be into is what they will be into rather than take the time and effort to get to know the kids, and all that goes with it.

I’d rather they forgo the need to GIVE my children THINGS and instead take time to know them. Take the time to build a real relationship with them.

Random crap is no replacement for being absent in their lives.

And it is a slap in the face for me everytime I clean out the clutter to see how little they actually care about my kids.

If they can’t be bothered, I wish they wouldn’t bother at all.

(At least I am pretty much ignored since the crappy Christmas of crappy regifting. Boy was THAT a year.)